Alcohol, Drugs, and Becoming Your Best Self
There are a number of reasons we turn to alcohol and drugs over the course of our lives:
to numb our pain or distract ourselves from reality
to tamp down our inhibitions and/or boost our confidence
to have a good time
to raise our energy level
to enhance our focus
to reach a spiritual place
Ultimately, though, we use alcohol and drugs for two reasons: to protect ourselves from emotions we don’t want to feel and/or tap into feelings of happiness and fulfillment.
Why does this matter? If we’re using anything on a regular basis to avoid our feelings—or access parts of ourselves we can’t reach when we’re sober—we’re not building our coping skills.
What are alcohol and drugs giving you?
If you feel like alcohol and drugs might be holding you back from creating the life you want, the first step is to acknowledge your relationship to them without judgment. The next step is to ask yourself what those substances are giving you.
When I’m working with clients who want to reassess their relationship with alcohol and drugs, I ask them to pick one substance to start with. Then I ask them these questions:
How often do you use it?
Under what circumstances do you use it?
What are the drawbacks to using it?
What role did it play in your family?
What do you like about using it? (In other words, what do you gain?)
Are there benefits to using it that you’d like to create on your own? (For example: would you like to feel socially confident without drinking alcohol? Or wake up naturally without needing caffeine?)
Experiment with Abstinence
If you’re struggling to answer these questions, experimenting with abstinence can help you understand exactly what you’re getting from the substances in your life.
When I share this idea with my clients, most of them resist. They say things like, “Well, I don’t think I’m using X to cope. I mean, I don’t need it.”
But here’s the thing: unless you live without it for a while, you don’t fully know how a substance is affecting your emotional experience—or what function it’s serving in your life.
Even if you’re nowhere close to having a problem with alcohol or drugs, you can still get massive benefits from abstaining from them in the short-term.
How to Experiment with Abstinence
What’s the best way to experiment with abstinence? It starts with picking one substance and committing to giving it up for a specific time period.
What happens, for example, when you abstain from alcohol for thirty days? If thirty days sounds impossible, try one or two weeks. If that’s not doable, try cutting back. If you drink every day, start out by reducing the number of drinks you have each day.
No matter how long you decide to abstain, you can use that time to evaluate what you’re getting from your chosen substance—and how you’re using it to cope.
How to Cope During Abstinence
When you abstain from alcohol and drugs, you automatically create more space to feel your feelings. For many of us, this can be the most challenging part of the experiment. So how do you cope with the big emotions that tend to come up?
Keeping a journal is one of the most effective ways to deal with your feelings during an abstinence experiment.
I speak from experience here: when I quit smoking, I felt things much more deeply. After just a few days without cigarettes, I realized I’d been lighting up every time I had an intense emotion—positive or negative.
Taking away the ritual of the cigarettes forced me to be more present in my feelings. Journaling helped me process those feelings and release my resistance to the experiment.
Besides journaling, another key to coping during your abstinence experiment is to celebrate every baby step you take. Instead of focusing on how deprived you feel without your substance of choice, remind yourself how amazing you are for having made it this far: “Hey, Self! You’ve made it three days without a drink. You rock!”
By giving yourself consistent, positive reinforcement like this, you feed your motivation to succeed in your experiment—and continue on the path toward becoming your best self.
Do you want to learn more about how to change your relationship with the substances in your life? In my new book, Life Launch, I give you additional guidance on how to experiment with abstinence versus moderation, along with other practical yet profound ways to strengthen your coping skills. Download a sample chapter here.