Our Two Selves: The Negative Mind and the True Self

Do you ever wonder why you can't stop having negative thoughts even when you're trying to think positive?

Or why it might feel like the end of the world when a friend is angry with you? Why dealing with an unexpected expense sometimes seems so threatening?

It all comes down to the negative mind.

The negative mind, or the ego, is rooted in our neurologically-driven survival instinct. Even though most of us are able to meet our basic survival needs, our brains don’t know that. They haven’t caught up to our 21st-century reality.

Since our brains are programmed to protect us, they’re constantly searching for the thought or emotion that’s going to trigger our survival instincts.

In other words, the negative mind is the brain’s way of trying to keep us alive—even if we’re not in physical or emotional danger.

So what can we do to calm the voice of the negative mind? It starts with learning to see it for what it is—and understanding that it’s only one part of who we are.

Our Two Selves: The Negative Mind and the True Self

As the graphic above shows, we all have two selves.

The first is our true self. This is the part of us that feels emotions like unconditional love, acceptance, courage, and joy. When we’re in our true self, we’re in the moment. It’s the best version of who we are.

Our second self is the negative mind, or the survival mind. The negative mind shows up in the form of feelings like anxiety, judgment, and dependency. If you’re obsessing about the past or worrying about the future, your negative mind is doing the talking.

On any given day, we experience aspects of both our negative mind and our true self. Sometimes we even experience them simultaneously.

For many of us, though, it seems like the negative mind does the majority of the talking, eclipsing our true self altogether. Why does this happen?

The negative mind and our will to survive

The negative mind, also known as the ego, is the psychological expression of our survival instinct. Even though most of us don’t have to worry about surviving day-to-day, our negative mind doesn’t know that. It still functions as if we live in the jungle.

Our negative mind hasn’t caught up to our 21st-century reality, where we’re able to meet most of our basic survival needs. If you’re reading this blog, I hope you don’t need to be thinking about the danger of death on a daily basis. I’m assuming you have shelter and enough food to eat.

Your negative mind doesn’t know that, though.

Once you’ve taken care of your basic survival needs, the negative mind automatically fills that empty space in your head with worries, concerns, and whatever else it thinks you need to stay alive.

Those worries and concerns are tied to your individual experience. They vary based on your environment, your upbringing, and your personality. 

Your negative mind has no desire to make you happy or bring you inner peace. Its one and only job is to keep you alive. And the best way to do that is to keep you in a hyper-vigilant state in which you’re assessing danger all the time.

According to the negative mind, if you’re too calm or happy, you might not notice that metaphorical tiger creeping up behind you. Or you might not be aware of the threat of getting kicked out of your tribe.

Essentially, the negative mind is always searching for the idea or emotion that’s going to trigger your survival instincts and put you in an anxious state.

For example, the negative mind can bring up feelings of fear that a friend is angry with you because she hasn’t returned your text. Or it can keep you up at night worrying about your finances—even though there’s little chance you’ll end up homeless. The negative mind can even stop you from crying and/or fully experiencing your emotions because it interprets these behaviors as signs of weakness.

So how do you cope with—and calm—the voice of the negative mind? The first step is to recognize it for what it is. When you’re clear about what it is and where it’s coming from, the voice of the negative mind immediately loses a lot of its power over you.

When you understand that the negative mind is actually your brain’s misguided attempt to keep you safe, you’re also tapping in to your true self.

In other words, just having the awareness that the negative mind is a natural part of being human can be transformative on its own.

At the same time, you have the potential to deepen this awareness by practicing meditation. And if meditation isn’t for you right now, there are plenty of alternatives to meditation that can help you calm the negative mind and strengthen the connection with your true self.

Do you want to learn more about how to connect with your true self and lower the volume of the negative mind? In my new book, Life Launch, I write about practical yet profound ways to cope with negative emotions and clear a path to the life you want. Download a sample chapter here.