Letting Go of Your “Identity”
I just finished reading Mark Manson’s book, “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck,” and one of the points he talks about is....
“The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid it.”
He argues that it is more comforting to feel like we “know ourselves” -- even if that means putting limits on our successes/experiences in life -- than it is to feel like the future is completely unpredictable but the possibilities are endless (in a positive or negative direction).
I love this idea because it brings into question all the ways that I have defined and redefined myself and how many good things and interesting experiences have been brought into my life by getting rid of my assumptions about who I am as a person.
One example of this was on my recent trip to Mexico. I went on a trip with Mark, my husband, and three other couples.
In the past...I would have defined myself as someone who is not good at being in a resort and sitting still.
A good way to describe my usual persona? Having diverse experiences and being active every single day.
On this trip I went in practicing the art of asking myself every hour what I would like to be doing next (instead of deciding ahead of time what I like to do and not do).
Often times I chose strolling around the resort, swimming in the ocean, taking a few laps around the lazy river in an inner tube.
What I found as the days went by is that I went into a deeper and deeper state of relaxation. It felt refreshing to not have “to do anything.”
Before this trip I was pretty exhausted in life.
I think had I not let go of my identity of who I thought I was, I would have pushed harder to explore and be more active and I don’t think I would have come back as nearly as rested and inspired as I did.
Another way I redefined myself? In social settings.
I can often define myself as an introvert; someone who needs lots of alone time and takes a while to warm up to people.
On this trip I decided to say everything I thought was funny out loud, and connect to people as long as it felt good to me. Through having this experience it felt great to be silly and connect quickly with the others on the trip.
We had 2 hour dinners every night and instead of resisting that commitment one of my favorite memories is laughing with everyone in the group about how long the dinners were and getting to hear about everyone’s day at night. Also, speaking out loud what was in my head -- without editing -- put me in a space of feeling like a kid again...where things felt free and fun and in the moment.
Another surprise?
How much energy I could have hanging out with people a huge percentage of the time each day.
So many good life lessons learned while on a vacation in Mexico.
Over to you: