The Friendship Series, Part 1: Why Friendships Matter

If we’ve learned anything over the past year and a half, it’s that our relationships matter.

Even if we’re introverts, even if we like to spend time alone, we still need other people to feel happy and satisfied in our lives.

There’s plenty of science to back up this idea. Some of the most compelling research is from a 75-year Harvard University study that concluded good relationships are the number one factor in creating a healthy, satisfying life.

Why are relationships, especially friendships, so important?

In the best cases, friendships give us the space to experience feelings of acceptance, emotional intimacy, closeness, and love—without all the baggage that often comes with familial and romantic relationships.

In your relationships with your family, you’re part of a system of emotional processes that’s been passed down for generations.

In your romantic relationships, you’re continuing the work you do in your familial relationships. What does this mean? When you choose romantic partners, you tend to pick people who are in alignment with your family system. Or you choose people who push your buttons and force you to look at unresolved issues in your family relationships. Or you find people who do both.

Friendships are different. Case in point: many of us are capable of having deep, meaningful friendships even as we struggle in our familial and romantic relationships. Why?

Because we generally don’t depend on our friends to meet all our emotional needs.

Since we don’t bring such high expectations into our relationships with our friends, we can often communicate more honestly with them than with our partners or family members. 

Along these lines, our friendships can also be a place to heal, grow, and gather the strength to take on the deeper and more challenging issues we face in our lives.

I speak from experience here: when I was struggling with depression and anxiety in my teens and early twenties, my friendships became a crucial source of healing and support.

By surrounding myself with people who accepted me and respected my way of thinking, I was free to be who I was—without worrying about any judgments or pain from the past.

My friends made me feel totally understood. They encouraged me to own my feelings. Ultimately, they helped me strengthen my connection with my true self, which set the stage for improving my relationships with my family and eventually finding the partner of my dreams.

“Okay, sure,” you might be thinking, “so friendships are important. But how do I actually make friends? And improve the friendships I have?”

We’ll explore these questions in Parts 2 and 3 of our friendship series.

Do you want to learn more about how to create healthy friendships? In my book, Life Launch, I write about things to think about when making new friends, how to deal with conflict in friendship, and how to accept the ebb and flow in your relationships with other people. Download a sample chapter here.