The Friendship Series, Part 2: How to Make New Friends

In my last post, I wrote about why friendships matter and how our friends play an important part in helping us learn to love and accept ourselves.

In this post, I want to focus on how to make new friends, especially since many of us are struggling with rebuilding our social lives right now.

For some of us, making new friends can feel challenging—even in ‘normal’ circumstances.

But as we transition out of social isolation and back into social interaction, making new friends might feel challenging for all of us, at least at first.

When we’re trying to make new friends, it often takes time to build a friendship that lasts. We’re busy, other people are busy, and it’s not always easy to find people we truly connect with.

So how do we find people we could potentially be friends with? 

Practice your passion in a group

One of the best ways to make new friends is to look for group activities where you can do things you love and connect with your true self.

When you’re doing something that brings you joy, it’s usually easier to relate to others, especially others who share that joy.

And even if you don’t automatically make friends, you’re still doing something that makes you feel good. You’re improving your ability to open up to people. It might take time, but eventually, you might find a good friend.

So if you’re feeling lonely or feeling like something’s missing in your social life, try signing up for group activities. They’re a great way to fast-forward into sharing intimate experiences with other people, especially if you’re bonding around a passion you have in common.

How to connect with people in the group

It’s one thing to sign up for group activities. It’s another to break the ice when you’re in a social situation with a group of strangers.

So where do you start when you walk into a situation with a bunch of people you don’t know?

When I’m in this type of scenario, I remind myself to be curious. Then I start asking people questions.

People love talking about themselves and feeling like someone is genuinely interested in getting to know them. The key here is to try to keep the balance between learning about the other person and talking about yourself as even as you can.

If you tend to talk a lot, make a conscious effort to draw out the other person. If you prefer to listen, try to contribute to the conversation more than you normally would.

In other words, when you’re engaging with someone new, work toward the opposite of your natural inclinations.

What to do if you feel anxious

If you often feel self-conscious or anxious in social situations, here are a couple of things you can try:

1.      Observe people. Just like you, other people are usually focused on themselves. And just like you, they’re probably feeling self-conscious. Shifting your focus away from yourself and onto them can help relieve some of the anxiety you might be feeling.

2.      Think about what you would want to hear if you were feeling anxious. Wouldn’t you appreciate it if someone approached you with warmth and confidence and paid you a compliment—or asked you questions to give you the space to open up?

Finally, remember this: most of us feel awkward in social settings, especially with people we don’t know, so if you’re feeling anxious, you’re definitely not alone.

Meanwhile, stay tuned for Part 3 of the friendship series, where I’ll write about what you can do to improve your friendships once you’re beyond the early stages.

Do you want to learn more about how to create—and sustain—healthy friendships? In my book, Life Launch, I write more about how to make new friends, how to deal with conflict in friendship, and how to accept the ebb and flow in your relationships with other people. Download a sample chapter here.